My greatest mistake was making you more important than me. I made you my World. In the midst of creating this World, I lost sight of me. You became my everything. Unfortunately, you are rather volatile. You held a charisma that is dark and entralling as the black leather jacket that has defined you for me. The aroma that you withheld enticed me into further seduction. Your warm skin, your brown eyes, they became a part of the mystery and plucked on the cords of desire. I felt included by you, like I strangely belonged with you. My loyalty became so much yours, that even in your absence the connection never failed. The absence! the departure that brought me to thirst, that’s when this World fell apart with just as much intensity as the joy and love that built it. Before long, this World became your open door. I would wait for your return as an excited child, while the excitement would slowly fade to disappointment and a state of void, which was as deep as the soul I left for your taking. I felt myself dying for a second time, the first time was when I fell so hard for you that I lost sight of me, Can you imagine the terror of giving away! the Heart, what a trickster – and now, the World I built has turned to nothing, the blow of a realisation, that what I thought as mine,truly never was and probably can never be. Phew! What triumph!?

Oh damn, this hurts so bad, imagine being a part of the very apocalypse? The very meaning of a happily ever after comes crashing down to a never after and the moist soil around you,smells of death and destruction.

I inhale, I am alive. I have Rage by my side.

No, you don’t know how to love a woman. You haven’t understood her sensitivity, her nature or her force. You live in the illusion that she comes with the same strengths as you, but what you have failed to see, is the vulnerability she exposes while she lays bare for you. You treat her like a flower, that you pluck at the sight of beauty, but she has grown with the roots that you failed to appreciate. When you see her as a whole, that’s when you will truly understand the value of her opening herself up for you to touch her petals. That is when her true beauty will touch you and transform you. I am not demeaning you, I am asking you to learn to love the woman who lets you live on her, to love her, who gave birth to you. To love the woman you call your beloved, who only acts as your extension expanding you by nurturing you. Learn, learn to respect her sacred heart.

Never the Victim

We are never the victim even when things hit rock bottom and we find it justified to think that the world is conspiring against us. We cross paths with people and sometimes our shoulders rub against them and it causes a sticky itch while at other times we meet people and the rub feels gentle, like a loving caress. Sometimes the same person who caused us the itch gives us kindness and sometimes the person who was the reason for us to believe in ourselves, pierces us in the wrong place. But if you look at it for what it is, we are just walking our paths and sometimes we cross paths. It’s all in harmony, synchronised and rhythmic.While the greatest lesson to learn is letting go,we first have to learn we were never the victims.

Longing

I have longed for you long enough,

I have torn myself apart

Wanting to be yours eternally

You took me within

The dark crevices of the self

That I wound myself up over, under

Layers and layers of illusions

Falling apart and left undone

Only to find the pulp of your

All inclusive touch

That I feel but can never seem to grasp

Like all things beautiful,

Evoking only a deep sense of joy,Love

The sweet pain of longing

That cuts and simmers

after this uncalled for separation

The Seeking to unite with what seems to be

Ever eluding.

I see you

Ever present

Your presence

Sublimely Subtle

A force A power

Your undeniable

Seductive

Sweet touch.

I have longed for you long enough,

Do you feel it now, my desperation?

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In our little hearts,

Is a universe of love,

Unfathomable,

Vast,

and Inexhaustible.

 

Here we are imperishable.

 

Drifting away from it,

Made us restless,

Fearful,

and suddenly we were thrown into a quest

for redemption.

Here; we are seeking to embrace our innocent

free spirited souls,

Seeking to find

A place of absolute acceptance.

Where no explanation need be given,

just an unapologetic, I am what I am,

A place called Home,

The kind that isn’t built by four walls

or clean sheets

The kind that isn’t found within the hearts of our parents,

or with the tribe we call friends

or with the soulmate

who is said to be the lost puzzle

to our incomplete soul,

Because,

No,

No,

We are not incomplete souls,

We are not lost in a maze,

We don’t have to figure out who we are.

I am you, you are;

A significant

yet insignificant being,

called into expression,

We are that child

Whose smile lights the house up,

We are contagious,

Infectious,

Joy.

 

Malavika Reddy

6th February 2018

 

 

 

A Butterfly of my Heart

So I can sway gently
To my footing
And feed on the nectar 
Of this fragrant life.

Oh Beloved 
You are the salvation of my soul
The Grace that put me together 
Crafting the patchwork
That you made whole
A Bliss body
That now sways to surrender
Under your jurisdiction 
To feed on the Nectar 
If Your Fragrant Life.

Malavika Reddy
2 August 2017

In spite of it all

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It is those little things

Like pollen in my stamen

The Untouched, Unseen, Unsprouted

Grains of my being

That I am wanting to Evolve.
Ideas pop

Thoughts race

and like pollen;

To some, I am allergic

And to others I am the source of pure joy.

Like the tender bright leaves of a germinating plant

And the rough bark of a full grown tree.

 

But for you,

You will have to learn with me,

The story of Our Quintessence,

 

Like everything else in Existence

You will have to soar high in our

Breath and Breathlessness

Through the chaos and the silence

Through what is and what isn’t

Through love and fear

and everything else in between.
We will question ourselves together

Never figuring out who we really are

Except maybe in the stillness

Of Death

and The Renaissance of Life.
It is in the “in spite of it all moment”

That we will come to love.

As in the times when I will tell you

I love you in spite of who you are or who I am.

As in the times, when I will realise my ground

Just for a moment,

In spite of everything.

As in the times when I will feel nostalgic

In the memory of who we were

What we were and who we have become

And in spite of it all

We will step into our inception

Like martyrs

Discovering new dimensions

And being together

In Eternal Existence.

 

Malavika Reddy

6th June 2017

Photo: Malavika Reddy 

Light

I was walking through a dark dungeon

Unable to find my way

When your bright light

Torched me aglow

I saw a silver lining at the end of the tunnel

I ran towards it with zest

My passion filled heart racing with Gratitude 

You stood there 

Just to give me an embrace 

The most fondest 

The most loving

The most affectionate

Coming together 

Where faith sizzled 

And commitment tied a knot

Where I found my father 

My mother 

My lover

I found my everything in you. 

I am no more an orphan,

I am no more deprived of love,

All grievances have ended,

I am richer than the rich,

With you my love,

I am complete.
Malavika Reddy

Sadness

It is in the quietude

The deep silence of my soul

That I reach to

through my sadness

That I find solace in

A peace unlike none other 

In this dim lit caravan 

I travel for hours on end

Just sailing through moments 

That seemed stretched in time

I don’t fear getting lost here 

Feels like known territory 

This has become home

And so I rest in it 

Untouched by the sounds of the outside 

Just my own thoughts and me 

Drifting between emotions 

But holding on 

Holding on to sadness.
Malavika Reddy